Overwhelm and Humanity: Rethinking Awareness in a Capitalist World

Welcome to the first episode of Warm Take Wednesdays with Dr Alex Iantaffi, where I speak candidly about whatever has been on my mind! 

This one is a reflection on awareness around issues that are often still ignored or stigmatized within dominant culture, and an invitation to consider expanding our framework beyond awareness and towards action for collective liberation.

Feedback? Topics you would like me to discuss? Contact me through my website here! Thank you! Don't want to miss a thing? Subscribe to my newsletter here. Grazie!

Transcript

Alex Iantaffi 
Hello friends, all the new and welcome to the first episode of Warm Takes Wednesdays with Dr. Alex Iantaffi of Transforming Perspectives. I'm so glad you're here. So today I'm thinking about whether we need more awareness or do we just need to remember our humanity more? And is this even a real binary because life isn't binary, right? I I co-authored the old new book about it with my ⁓ lovely Team

MJ Barker. so, you know, spoiler, this is not going to be an either or situation. It's going to be really a both-and situation. But why do I want to think about this specifically today? So May is EDS Ehlers Danlos Syndrome Awareness Month, as well as Mental Health Awareness Month and also Asthma and Allergies Awareness Month, Mobility Awareness Month, Maternal Health Awareness Month, Healthy Vision Month,

Fibromyalgia Awareness Month, Arthritis Awareness Month, Melanoma Awareness Month, Pet Cancer Awareness Month. And those are just some of the ones that are personally relevant to myself and some folks in my family right now. That is a lot. ⁓ Honestly, it's a little bit overwhelming when I think about it as somebody who tries to like share what I think and have researched or believed or experienced in the world.

And I found myself really reluctant to create specific content and this is a struggle that's pretty familiar to me. I feel very similarly when it's trans awareness day or day of trans awareness, whatever we call it, you know what I'm talking about. ⁓ Same with bisexuality awareness month or week. I think we have a week. I'm not sure what they gave us honestly as bisexuals. I think maybe started as a day then became a week then became a month, which is great.

You know, and in some ways I have really, really benefited from so many posts ⁓ on those kind of occasions. And I have contributed posts on topics that are relevant to my work or my personal lived experience. So why was I so reluctant to create something about this month? And I was like, is it internalized ableism? Do I not want to talk more publicly about my hyper mobile Ehlers Danlos syndrome? Because at the moment it's really

getting worse as I age and I'm really struggling. So does this feel too vulnerable? Because even though I'm really committed to being vulnerable, I'm also really committed to honoring my body mind and only sharing vulnerably things that I've really processed for myself. So I've been really sitting with this kind of all month. It's May 28th and I am just recording this ⁓ because I decided rather than to keep sitting with this, it was time. It was time to

share some of the things that I have been finding as I've been sitting with this. Because like I said, I am very grateful for a lot of what I shared during those awareness days or awareness months. And I know that there are a lot of people who benefit from the events that sometimes happen for those months, the content that gets created during those months. And at the same time, I felt really uneasy and resentful. And this is not

a feeling for me. So I've also asked myself like, am I just an hypocrite? I mean, you know, maybe it's just me. Maybe I just like consuming this content, but I don't want to make this content because I feel the pressure of time. And is this my persistent desire for autonomy, which, ⁓ you know, under medical taxonomy would be pathological demand avoidance. And I am a lot of thoughts about this. So maybe I'll do another Wormtake Wednesday about that at some point, but I'm still researching and

sitting with us, so it might be a while until that episode comes to you. in the meantime, let's come back to the topic at hand, which is, I a hypocrite for feeling like, oh, another awareness month and also another month when there are like 10 different types of awarenesses that I could talk about because aren't we complex, multi-system issues humans, right? And also we're in relationship with other people, we're impacted by all those things.

So I've asked myself, I just a hypocrite? Do I just benefit from this content, but don't want to create it? Is that because of the way my body mind works? And the more I sat with it, the more I thought about it, I just really realized that it's both, it's a real both hand issue for me. Like I said at the beginning, spoiler, I think there are very few dichotomies in life, including kind of around ethics. And I think that there is a lot of nuance actually in

our human lives. And so I've decided that what I would really like to talk about for this episode is whether we are just really losing a little bit of our humanity and as we lose more of our humanity, we need to remember our own and each other humanity, right? ⁓ And of course, there's a reason why we might feel like we're losing our humanity and the reason, unsurprisingly, is systemic, right?

really think we're not encouraged to be whole humans under the current systems of power, privilege and oppression, and especially capitalism, racialized capitalism in particular, which goes hand in hand with all different types of colonialism, and it goes hand in hand with kind of patriarchal ⁓ structures of oppression as well. And so, yes, there are lots of layers. If you're thinking, well, there are lots of layers, yes, there are lots of layers.

And so I really believe under those kind of current systems of dominance, power, oppression, and privilege, we are not encouraged to be fully human. And so those awareness mounds in some ways are kind of like this tidily packaged. This is when we talk about Ehlers-Danlos syndrome. This is when we talk about disability. This is when we talk about being trans. This is when we talk about being lesbian, gay, bisexual.

This is when we talk about suicidality. This is when we talk about arthritis. And the list could go on and on and on, right? This is the month where we honor this specific racialized identities or immigrant experiences and so on. ⁓ But the more I thought about it, the more I was like, well, how convenient for the current systems of power, privilege and oppression, quite frankly. How convenient to

give us this tiny, tidy window of time where we can talk about the complexity of our identities and lives and experiences. And like I said, not that I don't benefit from those, but I also just benefit every day from folks who are...

researching our experience and also sharing not just kind of their the results of their research but also their own lived experiences, vulnerable, right? I am immensely grateful actually in many ways to social media that has brought so much kind of knowledge ⁓ in a way that's much more accessible by many people. And of course we can also talk about the you know complex aspects of social media and parasocial relationships

maybe that's another episode. there are a lot of things to talk about. Believe me, my brain works like this all the time. And if you think it's exhausting, you're right. It is exhausting. And also it's wonderful. And I wouldn't have it any other way, quite frankly. I do see patterns in everything. I do see connections. I don't know if it's my Pisces with Cancer rising nature, if that's your wheel-house or if it's my neurodivergence or if it's my trauma.

or whatever it is, I tend to kind of look at the world ⁓ through this lens of ⁓ complexity, kind of the multiversal view of the world, ⁓ and through this lens of connection. And so the more I thought about it, the more I really became unhappy thinking about how, in a way, those kind of awareness months or history months are a way of kind of giving back to minoritized people just a little

piece of our humanity for a specific amount of time. And I don't think that's okay. I think we're about to be fully human kind of all year round, 365 days a year if we go by the Gregorian calendar. Basically every day from, you know, sunrise to moonrise to, you know, and sunrise again, we get to be humans. And so, ⁓ and if you're feeling overwhelmed by being human right now,

and you're like, but it feels nice in some ways to have information kind of neatly packaged in a way that can be easier to take in. And I really hear that from a pedagogical perspective, just like the science of like teaching, it makes a lot of sense. We do need to kind of break down information and also...

The world is overwhelming right now and I want to talk for a moment, maybe this seems like a side quest, but I promise that it's still connected to this idea of whether we need kind of more awareness days and months or whether we need to just really reclaim our humanity in the face of all the systems of power, privilege and oppression. And so for a moment, I want to go on the side quest of the role of our role, overwhelm and I'm going to take a sip of water when I do.

And this is also about being human. thought about, ⁓ I should edit those pieces out or I should be more scripted if I'm going to do this. actually I just have kind of talking points in my teleprompter just to keep me a little bit on track because I can go on way too many side quests. And also, yes, I have vocal dysphonia as part of other things going on. I need to drink a lot of water while I talk and we need to

normalize those things. Even the idea that we need to normalize the fact that our bodies need hydration while we're talking, right? It's a little problematic in itself. ⁓ So many things to say. Maybe I should have scripted this. Anyway, back to overwhelm. As I was saying, there is a piece that's about, you know, kind of, ⁓

keeping things contained, and sometimes we might feel really good about that containment. We are overwhelmed. But the overwhelm is not unintentional.

And guess what? Some of you might not be at all surprised by what I'm about to say. If you know some of my work, I think we're overwhelmed because of those systems, power, privilege and oppression. ⁓ One of them being racialized capitalism, which goes hand in hand with colonialism, patriarchy, cisgenderism, you know, which then generates transphobia, which we're seeing taking center stage at the moment, sadly. So back to the study overall.

overwhelmed. We are overwhelmed because when we feel this way, we become easier targets, quite frankly. You know, easier targets of marketing, for example, right? You're overwhelmed. There are more effective ways of handling this life under capitalism. Let me give you the answer. Doesn't that sound so good? And believe me, like I said, I'm a Pisces.

and if I'm like, yes, give me the answer to how I cope with hundreds of emails coming through my inbox and the fact that I could spend all day dealing with emails, which is not my job ⁓ under capitalism in terms of survival. Or yes, give me the answer to how I can keep being productive for 40, 50, 60 hours per week to provide for myself and my family. Because I tell you, being disabled is expensive.

and that's all at our conversation. ⁓ know, sure, give me the answer, right? Don't we all want the answer? And so the overwhelm serves capitalism. It just serves it. It serves capitalism, it serves colonialism. ⁓ If we are tired, it's hard to organize. If we are overwhelmed, it's hard to organize. And also if we keep being told that there are better ways of doing this, there are better ways

of handling this being human stuff, right? We become really good consumers and then we're all trying to survive under capitalism so then we feel like we got something that works for you and we want to repackage it and sell it to other people because we got, I mean, at least I've got more and I think a lot of us have got a mortgage to pay and bills that are getting higher, you know, and kids to take care of and you health, to keep it together, to keep doing more. You're starting to see where the overwhelm is coming from, right? I mean, aren't you feeling it as well? And the reality is that, of course we are overwhelmed. are in a poly crisis. And what does poly crisis mean? That there are crisis everywhere. I'm really trying hard not to swear to make this more accessible. So forgive me if I do, but I want

to more accessible. I don't want to swear at the moment unless I really can't help it. That might happen. Anyway, we're in a polycrisis. What does that mean? It means that there is a lot going on. We are in a climate crisis. Literally, the weather is not what it used to be in a lot of ways. We are seeing the impact of climate crisis. Those who are poorest globally, which tend to be Black and Brown and Indigenous folks, are seeing

⁓ most of the impact of the climate crisis and have been seeing this for a long time, right? That is just one level. We have also entered the era of multiple and ongoing pandemics.

You might think otherwise the way that kind of governments are handling it because they're often serving more corporations and people nowadays, quite frankly, in my opinion. so we are seeing multiple pandemics. Everybody's health is getting worse. know, everybody's coughing more on planes when I travel. There's a lot more turbulence because remember the climate crisis, right? And then we're having an educational crisis in some countries like the one I live in.

in cold United States. We have a healthcare crisis. Is it a crisis though? Or is it just not considering healthcare a human right in this cold United States? We'll get back to that. So, right? How would we not be overwhelmed? And of course, this feels like the most logical response.

Oh, and I haven't even named, see the overwhelmed is so high that I haven't even named that there are ongoing genocides going on all the time across the globe. And I say ongoing because sometimes I feel like the media wants us to believe that those genocides are coming out of nowhere, right? And they're not coming out of nowhere. And there are so many other conversations to have about this. And not only are we

We are in the midst of ongoing genocides because of social media, because of the internet, we're also witnessing global ongoing genocides. And believe me, I don't think that's bad. I do think we need to wake up if we're not yet waking up to the impact of the ongoing colonial project globally. And so we do need to be aware of those things,

a day or a month dedicated to them or not, which funnily enough, there isn't by the way, because that definitely does not serve racialized capitalism. That definitely does not serve the ongoing colonial imperialist project in all its forms. And so, yes, we are overwhelmed. We are tired. We're exhausted. We're grieving if we're still staying human. And I am amazed that we're still managing

to do what we do every day in all the small and bigger ways that we do. Don't get me wrong, I'm just in awe of what our humanity can do ⁓ when we are ⁓ awake and aware, even when we feel that we can do very little. And I really want to say that none of this is new for a lot of us. For some of us, it might feel new.

That's you, that's okay. I don't want you to collapse in shame or, you know. ⁓

whatever internal dialogue there might be that kicks in for you about not being good enough, not being caring enough, not being a good person, because those are all things that are really ⁓ fed to us also under white supremacy, right? This idea of perfectionism. so it's okay if you're feeling that a lot of this is new to you. There is no shame in that. And it's also okay if this is new to you to kind of

move back and take the time to sit with it and unpack it for yourself and really listen to folks who have been aware of this for a long time. And those folks usually are Indigenous folks, Black and brown folks, disabled folks, trans and queer folks, because, you know, a lot of us haven't had the privilege to not be aware of what's going on, right, in the world. And so what is new, though, like I said, is this level and frequency of

exposure, like 24 seven, right? Uh, and that can feel really exhausting. And, uh, in the country where I live right now, the so-called United States, for example, we are seeing that kind of 24 step than global news cycle being used, I think in very purposeful ways. And I don't want to get into that right now because otherwise this video, uh, and this podcast episode, because I'm going to upload it both as a YouTube series and

another

podcast.

logistically anyway, so I digress. It's going to get real long though. And we will keep coming back to some of this idea. And so I'm not telling you that we don't need awareness and I'm not telling you that we need to be like, let's tune out and tune in because we're overwhelmed and let's come back to our best higher self. Cause that's problematic too. And believe me, I have a whole warm take on this idea of best self and higher self and how it's so connected.

to capitalism, racialized capitalism specifically, and colonialism, and patriarchy, and cisgenderism, and so on. So no, I'm not just like a good vibes only person to not tune in. I know I'm a therapist and believe me, there is a role for mindfulness and meditation. I do it every day to keep my body mind together. And there's a role for a lot of solid advice out there.

around our well-being and also we have to stop thinking about our well-being as an individual personal endeavor because it's not. We cannot be well in an unwell culture. This is why they're trying to sell us all this awareness months and days, right? The idea is like we just need more education and once the people understand they are more educated things will change. No, things will change when systems change and that is why sometimes awareness pisses

me off because yes, we want awareness, we want connection, and we also want systemic change. I I do. I want systemic change. I don't know about you, but everybody I know is not, you know, in a position of power and privilege, like real position of power and privilege where you literally don't even have to think about money because you have that intergenerational wealth that you have amassed on the backs of

all the minoritized people, mostly indigenous, Black, Brown, disabled, trans and queer folks often, and immigrants. anyway, so yes, the answer is not like, yes, let's not be aware of anything and let's take care of ourselves and me and mine. No, the answer cannot be disconnection and ignoring it. cannot ignore the ongoing genocides. We cannot ignore the ongoing pandemics. We do need awareness that the bite size

time-limited awareness that those systems of dominance are trying to sell are not the answers as far as I'm concerned. Sorry. And I'm like, I know that I'm like, this is warm takes with Dr. Alex. I'm feeling pretty, pretty warm. Uh, and this might be a little bit warmer maybe than some of you are used to. Um, if you've been brought up in a dominant culture that doesn't really do much animated feelings. Luckily I was

spread out in a culture where this would not even be warm. Maybe it's a little tepid, honestly. Anyway, coming back to the point. So this bite-sized, timely, limited awareness...

that doesn't come with changes in policies and systems, quite frankly, pisses me off and maybe should piss you off too. Maybe, I don't know, consider it. And like I said, now that I want to know more about other people's lives, I love knowing more about other people's lives. Like I said in the trailer for this new YouTube and podcast series, like humans are my special interest. I love learning about humans. I love learning about system, internal system and outer systems. How do we work? How does my

you know, brain works, how does my nervous system works, how does the political world around us works, how does language works, I have a whole degree in linguistics to understand communication, which now as a late diagnosed audiologist makes a lot of sense, but again, we'll come back to this. So the answer is not disconnection and ignoring, the answer is not this like by size time limited awareness and belief.

Believe me, I'm not about to tell you what the answer is, by the way. Because if I did, I really would be a hypocrite, like I said, like a little while ago that I don't think I am. So, yeah, I don't have the answer at all. And anybody who tells you that they have the answer, maybe check them out against like characteristics of cults. There's a reason, by the way, why cults are so popular. And that would be a whole other world take because

I have a fascination with cults, which I will tell you about in a different episode of this podcast. But for me, I'm always a little bit suspicious when somebody is trying to tell me the truth, capital D, the answer, capital D again, I guess. I don't know what I was doing there, doing my little air quotes, but there you go, got a little carried away. So I don't know what the answer is, but here are some things that I'm trying, if they're helpful for you.

Take them, try them. This is why we're doing this, right? Being radically human while other people are also trying to be radically human, as my colleague and friend Calvin Hauer would say, or I said once at a conference, and I love this so much that I keep saying it. So here you go. Anyway, so things that I'm doing for myself, especially as life is really life-ing right now in our family, is I've been really reframing overwhelm. I am tired of

seeing overwhelm as this kind of personal moral failure, right? It's almost like I'm overwhelmed. What can I do, you know, to counter this overwhelm? Let me add yet another self-care practice into my little Finch app. And believe me, I love my Finch app. I love my little bird. I've grown that little bird into an adult since it was a baby. And the Finch app is incredibly effective for me to prioritize taking care of myself.

And also, I am tired of internalizing that more self-care equals less overwhelm. Because the world, remember all the reasons why we're overwhelmed. There is no amount of meditation, dancing, spending at least five minutes outside, connecting with other humans, ⁓ connecting to mystery in the divine if that's your thing, you know, going to bed early.

getting enough sleep, drinking enough water, eating nutritious food, you know, going to all your health care appointments, having enough relaxation time. There are not enough self-care items in the world anywhere to counter the world and everything that's going on and all the systems of power, privilege, and oppression and dominance that we talked about, right?

And so nowadays one of the things that I am experimenting with saying, because I think that language has power, both as somebody who has a whole degree in linguistics, remember, to try and understand communication, and who's also very openly, which I do believe that words have power. So I have started to say, I'm overwhelmed by capitalism, because that feels true in my body, mind right now. If I could move slower.

if I could really follow the rhythms of my body mind right now, if I could have all the time I need to have to grieve every day for what we're witnessing.

especially in Gaza.

a place that's been really close to my heart, both because it's very close geographically to where I was brought up, right? Like Southern Italy and the Middle East, right there. And also it's something that I've been aware of since I was a teenager. So that's like for 40 plus years. And of course the struggle for Palestinian independence, you know, against the colonization that happened there, the Zionist colonization, which by the way has got

nothing to do with the Jewish people or Judaism because we've also seen a rise in anti-semitism which is awful. ⁓ So I want to be clear that I'm both against anti-semitism which is awful and hateful as we all know and I'm also against colonization and occupation which is awful and hateful as more and more of us are witnessing in terms of what's happening there. ⁓

If I lost you at this point, I'm sorry, but I'm also not sorry. It's better for you to know who I am and who you're talking with and who you're listening to. ⁓ And if this is not your thing, that's not your thing right now. But I hope that you can open up a space where you can hear this. And so I'm really reframing overwhelmed by I'm being overwhelmed by capitalism because right now I do need more support.

for my body mind. Yes, there are some health issues going on and there's also a lot going on in the world. And if I am to keep creating, keep caring, keep being a healer in my community as I have been and to show up for myself, my family, my communities, I need more spaciousness than capitalism can offer. If you're not kind of intergenerationally wealthy, which is very few.

⁓ of people. I like to say ask even when I'm not the ask because I'm not intergenerational wealthy because I don't want to dehumanize anyone and actually want to do a whole episode around that at some point around how dehumanization is also part of racialized capitalism and colonialism and so on.

So things that I try for myself is like this reframe, right? Overwhelm is not my personal moral failure. Overwhelm is a completely understandable response to the state of the world right now and for a long time.

And there are lot of people, indigenous, Black and brown folks, immigrant folks, disabled folks, trans and queer folks, who have lived with overwhelm intergenerationally. Even when I think about my own family history, I see how the role of overwhelm created by all those systems that we've been naming has caused a lot of harm intergenerationally and a lot of trauma intergenerationally in my own family and how I'm trying to break that cycle, break that chain.

many of us are, but we can't break that cycle alone because we need to break the cycle of the harm that those systems are creating, not just the interpersonal harm, but the systemic violence and the systemic harm. And so I am becoming more specific with my language because I want to remember the systemic harm. I also saw a beautiful post just today actually by ⁓ Reverend Tricia

of the Nap Ministry and she was talking about specifically to Black women. I just want to acknowledge that and I am not Black but I really resonated in some ways with what she was talking about because she was talking about ⁓ imposter syndrome.

and how actually imposter syndrome is part of white supremacy, right? It is part of this idea that somehow I'm not good enough, whereas other people are when the reality is that we do not live in a meritocracy at all. And she said it much more beautifully and like I her message was really for Black women. But what really resonated with me was this idea that I've also been sitting with, with how do we get more specific

about how we're impacted by systems of harm, systems of power, privilege and oppression that harm some of us more than others at different times ⁓ in history, right? And so I wanna get more precise with what is the harm and where it's coming from. So when I talk about overwhelm, I say I'm overwhelmed by capitalism or I'm overwhelmed by the climate crisis. I'm overwhelmed by the ongoing genocides and I'm not just overwhelmed, I'm actually heartbroken

And ⁓ I have been shedding ⁓ some tears every day. And it's not about tears, though, right? It's also about not turning away. It's also about growing our capacity to hold the pain and grief in this world.

And so another thing that I'm doing, as well as getting clear with language, when I talk about overwhelm,

in not internalizing it as a personal moral failure, not seeing myself as less than somebody else who's not overwhelmed because quite frankly, I think if we are fully embodied, we're overwhelmed. That doesn't mean that we have to be so overwhelmed that we cannot ⁓ show up to ourselves and each other though, right? And I think what is helping me show up is not only practice,

and not only naming things more clearly, but also really remaining clear on my values, beliefs, and priorities. And we'll talk about the word priority, because that's problematic in a moment, actually. But I want to talk about what it means to remain clear on my values and beliefs. For example, when I went on to a little side quest about Gaza and Palestine,

I had that moment of, is this relevant? I should edit that out. And I think that moment was about...

white supremacy and wanting to benefit from not putting myself out there clearly from episode one about where I stand. Even though if anybody has followed me on Instagram, I have absolutely ⁓ posted a lot about what's happening in Gaza and mostly reposted, right? Mostly reposted Palestinian and indigenous and Black and brown ⁓ creators were talking about this.

or documenting what's happening. But it's not a secret. However, I had that moment of hesitating. I had that moment of, oh, now people are going to be distracted from the main message you're trying to talk about. And I was like, what? But this is the message. This is what I'm talking about. And so when I'm talking about remaining clear on my values and beliefs, this is what I'm talking about.

And I also believe in everything I've said so far. so remaining clear on my values and beliefs means from me, honestly, when I put my therapist hat on, especially my somatic practitioner hat on, is in a way that reduces the overwhelm. Because I don't have to deal with the dissonance between my values and beliefs and my behavior. That actually really drains

us. That dissonance is exhausting. One of my teachers, Cathy Kane, ⁓ talked about how those are the moments when the ⁓ sympathetic nervous system, the part of our nervous system that's kind of responsible ⁓ for action and movement, right, it's also part of kind of our fight or flight response. But the sympathetic nervous system puts on the costume

of the ventral vagal nervous system and pretends, and if you don't know any of those terms, please forgive me. And I'm happy to break them down another time. ⁓ But the point I'm trying to make is really that we act as if.

You know, we are connecting with others, we act as if we're being our authentic selves, but then we might feel really drained by those interactions. And we might feel drained for other reasons too. You know, we might be more introverted and need more solitary time. But a lot of times we might also be drained because there is dissonance between who we are, our values, our beliefs, our struggles, our experiences, and what we show the world. ⁓

for good reason. The world is not always a safe space to show all of who you are, believe me. ⁓

And I really appreciate that all of us have different degrees of safety and comfort in different spaces. And that's part of the exhaustion too, because if ⁓ those of us who are minoritized ⁓ get to show even less of who we are, and that is exhausting enough. And so if I have the privilege to not be exhausted by this dissonance between my values and beliefs and who I am and what I show the world,

Why the hell would I not do that? Why the hell would I not, you know, try to be incoherent, trying to be consistent, right?

And believe me, this is not easy. And it's not easy because, again, racialized capitalism, ongoing colonial project, they all thrive on this dissonance that we have internally. They thrive on this idea that here is our professional persona, which is very polished and very packaged. And here is our internal experience, which is messy and human. And let's separate those two.

right? ⁓

And there's a lot to unlearn. There's a lot to undo. Sometimes I do feel exhausted by that, even when I was just jotting down some bullet points so that I wouldn't go into many tangents, which I've already gone on a lot of tangents, so you're like, maybe you should write a script or thankfully you have some bullet points. regardless of what you think, even as I was writing this, I was like, yes, one of the things I'm trying to do is remaining clear on my values, beliefs, and prayers.

priorities,

then I was like pause. Priorities. That is actually a complex word right now because sure, if I have a baby or an elder who needs to be taken care of, that's a priority. If I'm sick, taking care of my body, mind, that is a priority. But often when I'm thinking priorities, I'm thinking what do I need to do under capitalism to make enough money to keep paying my mortgage?

to keep paying the electricity bill and to keep paying for food for my families and myself. And that is really rooted in capitalist thinking, right? Kind of necessarily. So for those of us who don't have that intergenerational wealth that I talked about a little while ago, right? But it's still rooted in those same systems. And I was like, oh.

darn it, I'm like, is there no word that is safe? And I'm like, you know this, it's not about safety, it's about systems and understanding. And so even when I'm thinking about priorities, I've been really trying to reframe what priorities mean to me. Yes.

I still need to have enough money in the bank to cover the mortgage, to cover the bills. And also, none of that is gonna happen if I don't take care of my body mind. And also, what's the point of taking care of my family if also I don't have any time to connect with them, any time to just be around and available for my kids at like dinner time or on weekends, right? What am I doing all of this for? ⁓

am

I chasing? What am I feeding? And so I think that keeping, being critical and clear about what are values. And I remember, my God, it's almost two years ago now, back in 2023, ⁓

In the summer, it was when I was with ⁓ the lovely Team MJ Barker, we were writing How to Understand Your Relationships. And I was like, something has to change in my life. I need more time and spaciousness for writing. I need more time and spaciousness to take care of myself ⁓ and my household. And something has to shift. And as I was sitting with all of this, I was like, okay, what's coming up?

What am I hearing from myself, from the ancestral web, if you're so inclined. And I really heard very clearly, like, you know what you need. You need creativity, you need healing, both to receive and to give, because that's who you are in the world. You're a healer and an educator. And...

know, relationality because we're all interdependent. We're part of the interdependent web. And you need creativity, you need healing, you need relationality.

those are priorities and magic. I was like, I'm forgetting one. I think it was a little bit of a slip because I'm like, do I talk about magic already? But I think I've already said that I'm a witch in this video earlier on. And so that is actually important for me to have time to connect with the ecosystem around me. And ⁓ I was brought up Catholic, but in this kind of syncretistic, I think it's a word, way.

where there was a lot of paganism in my Sicilian Catholicism, frankly. So I am an animist. And so I need time to connect with the ecosystem around me. I need time for ritual. I need time to connect, not just with myself, but with something greater than myself. And so that is part of my priorities. Those are definitely not very capitalist priorities. But this kind of staying clear with my values and beliefs.

naming clearly the systems of harm when they ⁓ come, when they impact us in very personal and interpersonal ways. Those things are really important to me and none of those things are easy by the way because all of those kind of systems of dominance also it's like they create off gas and that off gas is like in the air that we breathe and that gets into our lungs, right? We breathe it in and then we breathe it

out if we're not careful, which is why I think the language has power, because I don't want to breathe it back out. I breathe it in and I want to see the impact it has on me and I know I have breathed it out in the past and I probably will continue to because this is the work of a lifetime, but I want to be mindful and when I can I want to filter. I want to filter and I want to breathe out the world that we want to co-create together. So maybe what I'm trying to say at the

of the day with this episode is that what I'm trying to do is to remain human and not be dissected into all this like tiny parts of identities and experiences which require us to package ourselves in ways that are not complicated, in ways that are not messy, in ways that keep perpetuating the lie that there is an answer or that there is the answer or that

that

there is a solution or the solution to our problems. And I'm not saying that there aren't any solutions because...

People who know me know that I'm constantly ⁓ trying to organize within my capacity. And I am a relentless optimist. My oldest child was now a young adult, made this very clear to me when she was a teenager and looked at me and was like, you, your relentless optimism is great a lot of the time. And sometimes it can also be impactful in other ways. Maybe that's all I want to take in the future.

So I'm trying to stay human and what that means for me is that I'm really yearning for a better quality of life, not just for myself but for everybody. I think we have enough in the world if we organize ourselves differently and

No, don't believe that there is already an answer in communism because I was brought up by communist father, to be completely honest, and around the communist party and so like... ⁓

the Feste dell'Unità, which was like this major political festival that's like family friendly and you know, there'd be food and music and dancing and also political rallies. So I've been immersed in politics, my whole life. And again, you know, in a way, all beautiful theories to some degree.

can fail if people are still hungry for power and dominance. And so I think that even through a communist analysis and lens, we need to be careful, and it's not enough.

Personally, I think that there's a lot more to learn from global indigenous wisdom, by and large, and really divesting from systems of coloniality. And I'm sure that communism could be one way of doing that. I think I've just seen some of the pitfalls early, right? So I wish I could have the illusion that

there is a real definite answer out there already. I don't think so, but I think there is collective imagination because I'm also not yearning for some imaginary romanticized past. What I'm yearning for is how the hell do we figure this out together, people? How do we all agree that there are certain things that are not okay and that there are certain things that we all deserve, like our own inherent dignity? ⁓

of our humanity, no matter what we might be able to produce, in air quotes or not, right? So I'm yearning for quality of life for all of us, not just myself. ⁓ And I'm yearning for really... ⁓

a world where that we can co-create where human life is inherently worthwhile and precious and we do not live in that world right now. I can tell you that and any disabled person can tell you that, Indigenous person, Black and Brown person.

trans person, the list goes on. So I try to practice every day, seeing my own life and everyone else's as sacred. This seems straightforward, right? I'm gonna tell you, it is not straightforward to keep seeing people in power as still human and sacred at a time when they are.

continuing to be harmful ⁓ towards me, my communities, the people I love is not easy. Also seeing them as human and sacred doesn't mean not seeing them as people who need to be accountable for the harm they're causing, but accountable in a way that is based in abolition and transformative justice and community. Which again, it's really complex and maybe it's a

other topic. In fact, it will be a whole other topic of a different episode. The need to not dehumanize. We can criticize without dehumanizing people. We can criticize actions and policies and harmful decisions and choices without inherently dehumanizing somebody. Because when we start dehumanizing other people,

I don't know. ⁓ Usually not good things happen. ⁓ Maybe I'm wrong. Who knows? I don't believe that there is a capital T truth out there. So here we are. So I try to stay intentional and present to my belief that just like I believe in the inherent worth and sacredness of...

my own humanity and other people's humanity, I try not to dehumanize people. But I'm not afraid to be critical of people's actions and behaviors and words. Like I said, those two things are different. ⁓ And I really hope to live in a world where we co-create a world where this idea that human rights have to be earned ⁓ will not be...

there anymore. At the moment it feels an awful lot like people, we have to earn our human rights by somehow saying things in the right tone or educating people enough or understanding that people don't know everybody knows history or understanding that, you know, ⁓

ableism is hard to dismantle and so on and so on. But quite frankly, we have a lot of awareness.

Community organizers have been talking about some of those issues for decades and decades and writing about it and organizing. And so I don't think it's just an issue of awareness, quite frankly, when we get here. I think that we need to really figure out if we believe that people are inherently worthy of human rights. And then let's take it from there.

And that people don't have to do anything to earn their human rights. And that life is inherently worthy and sacred in and of itself. And if you have a different belief, please be aware and clear about that different belief.

You know, it's your belief, you get to choose your beliefs. And it's because when we start wobbling on this issue of dehumanizing and who's worthy in air quotes and who is our people and who's not our people, whatever that means, I think we get in a lot of trouble. And also the idea that people need, you know, need to be, some people are more worthy than another, right?

me to be productive in certain ways. We saw this, you know, during the onset of the ongoing COVID-19 epidemic. One of the things I was really scared of was not just getting sick, but being in an hospital, being trans, disabled, an immigrant, and somebody looking at me and deciding that mathematically, because there are people who mathematically ⁓ calculate how much a life is worth, that somebody would decide

that my life was not as worth as somebody else ⁓ if there were not enough ventilators. That was my fear and that was the fear of a lot of minoritized people at that time and it still is for a lot of us in a lot of ways, right? Because this idea is that we can calculate the value of a human life is really rooted in ableism and racism is rooted in Christian supremacy and puritanical ideas.

and ideals, and so many people have talked about this, by the way. None of the things I'm saying are new. I've already mentioned the wonderful work of Trisha Erci with the Knapp Ministry and folks like Sonia Renee Taylor ⁓ of The Body's Not an Apology have talked about a lot of those issues about inerrant work and... ⁓

that we don't have to kind of earn our humanity. ⁓ It's not coincidental, it's not a coincidence that those folks tend to be Black women often, ⁓ because Black and brown folks and disabled folks and trans and queer folks are the ones who've been talking about those issues for a long time.

And on the note, other resources you can look up if you want to work on some of the stuff is like the Disability Visibility Project that Alice Wong started, for example, and or get familiar with the idea of Pleasure Activism, Badria and Mary Brown. And there are just so many ⁓ resources out there. And if you really want to delve deeper into the idea of ableism and cynicism and disability justice and mad pride, you you can look at

the work of like sins and valid, especially on disability, justice and folks like Patty Byrne and Eli Claire and Jenny Morris in the UK and so on. ⁓

So there are lots of resources out there if you want to delve deeper and I could keep talking about this for a long time apparently. I was aiming for about 20 minutes but here we are and it's been about 56 minutes of me blabbering. ⁓ I have no idea how this is gonna land but we'll see. So.

Ultimately, there's a lot that you can deepen in in terms of knowledge. And for me, it also comes back to something really simple, which is the way I remain human is to remain in relationship. For me, somehow it always comes back to relationality. I don't know if it's just the main lens that I use as a systemic therapist. I don't know if it's because I was so strongly influenced.

by my maternal grandmother and being rooted culturally, linguistically, spiritually in a lot of ways in Sicily, which I also spent a lot of time in growing up ⁓ in Italy.

I don't know why, but for me, it always comes back to relationality. When I'm in relationship with myself, when I'm in relationship with the folks around me, my family, my communities. ⁓

but not just humans, also the animal companions in my life, the ecosystem around me when I'm in relationship with the food I consume as much as I'm able to make intentional choices about that in terms of access from a lot of different viewpoint. ⁓ As long as I'm in relationship with something larger than myself that for me ⁓ is about mystery, is about

divinity, but that's not true for everybody else. I have folks in my life that for them, something greater than the self is the collectivity of our human experience. And so that might be the something greater. For some people, it's nature, know, the something greater than ourselves.

So for me, what's important is to stay human and what helps me stay human is relationality to self, to those around me, to community, to ancestors, to the ecosystem around me ⁓ and knowing to mystery that I am part of all of it. ⁓

one small part and yet an essential part because we're all essential as my ⁓ beloved ⁓ queer family member and teacher and elder, Donald Engstrom-Rees would say, we're all essential.

So do we do away with all the awareness days and months after all this kind of criticism that I've just launched at them? I mean, maybe one day, one day maybe we will not need them at all. And I'm really looking forward to that day. Until then, I think there is a place for all this awareness days and months. And like I said earlier, I am really grateful to all the work that many content creators and educators put into sharing their wisdom, knowledge,

and experiences ⁓ during this kind of awareness days and months I am really grateful for that. And in the meantime, I'm not gonna edit that out so you get to keep my little blooper of ⁓ my tongue rolling in the wrong way.

In the meantime, which I think it's also very up to the point I'm about to make, is that we can also keep practice more authenticity when we're safe enough to do so. And I know that I have a lot of privilege in my life and that is why I'm able to produce the content I've been producing. I have a lot of privilege in terms of having a really supportive household and family. I have a lot of privilege in the level of education that I've been able to attain and that privilege has also come from bringing ⁓

being brought up in a country where I had free access to education, including my first degree in higher education, ⁓ something that I would not have had access to if I'd been brought up in the so-called US probably, or that would have been harder, would have come with lots of strings attached like ⁓ financial loans and so on. So I think we can practice more authenticity when we're safe enough to do so. ⁓

And it's up to us to evaluate that, right? ⁓ And I also think there is a piece that I'm going to add there, not to poke at anybody. But I think that's part of kind of... ⁓

why supremacist culture, a lot of folks confuse safety for comfort. Being authentic is not comfortable. I'm deeply uncomfortable right now. I'm like, I don't know if I'm gonna release this video. This feels really like messy and maybe I should have scripted it. I should be more polished when I present myself to the world, but that would totally counter a lot of the points I'm trying to make, right? ⁓ So authenticity and vulnerability are not comfort.

⁓ And they're also not safe for many people. There are some levels at which it is not very safe for me to be as vulnerable and authentic as I am sometimes online. And I'm making choices as an adult of the level of risk that I'm willing to take right now in the world. And I will never criticize other people for making different choices from mine. And there's also something to be said for folks who ⁓ are white.

that we really need to look at whether we mistake ⁓ safety for comfort. And when we say I feel unsafe, are we truly unsafe or are we just deeply uncomfortable? And there needs to be discernment between those two. And it is scary. It is really scary to be real. ⁓ And also please start practicing with like somebody who feels relatively safe in your life, you know. ⁓

somebody you're close to that you really trust or a therapist if you find one you trust, which I know is not always easy, but at least they'll be bound by confidentiality. you know, start small in practicing authenticity if you want to cultivate that.

And it is scary because systems of power, privilege, and oppression weaponize our authenticity and weaponize our vulnerability often. ⁓ And weaponize our visibility also, which makes this whole issue of awareness really complicated too. ⁓

been already talking for one hour, so I'm not going to go in more depth on that. ⁓ But what I want to say at the end ⁓ is yes, I really appreciate ⁓ all of the beautiful content that is often produced for those awareness months and awareness days. And also we need meaningful systemic change. Education is not enough. People

have been educated by people, mostly mean, minoritized people, have been educating folks.

with more privileged identities for a long time. People, the global majority have been educating people for a long time. We need systemic change and systems of dominance want us cared and divided. They want us to dehumanize ourselves and each other because that serves them. That serves racialized capitalism. That serves colonialism. It serves the cis-genderist patriarchy.

Right? And so when we choose to stay human, to stay relational with ourselves and one another, to be interdependent, we do become a threat to the systems of dominance. ⁓ And that's...

Great, I think. I think that those systems of dominance need to be challenged because they sold us package and sold us an idea that there are some humans out there who have figured it all out and they're the ones who deserve success and peace and rest, right? Don't we all have the same 24 hours? We do not all have the same 24 hours, by the way. There will be a whole different episode once again.

No, we do not all have the same opportunities. We do not all have the same 24 hours. And so when we dehumanize ourselves and each other, it's often because we've been sold this idea. Say if we just work harder, if we just have better systems in place, we'll be able to work so much less. We'll be able to have it so much easier. And somebody, somewhere out there has figured it out.

I don't believe that someone somewhere has it all figured it out. I think we need to figure it out for ourselves in our own lives with each other. And it's so freaking messy in my experience, quite frankly. In the realities, then many of us are really struggling, really scared, really overwhelmed by the cruelty of corporations and leaders that see us as purely as a means to an end. We are being dehumanized by those systems every day.

And then we keep doing it to ourselves because that's kind of how it works with abusive relationship, right? Like we internalize that we must not be worthy somehow of our own humanity. And as somebody who has survived multiple abusive situations, both as a child and as an adult, yeah, I can tell you that I see.

the parallel process here, at least for myself, and I hope you see too, honestly. So yes, the reality is that we are struggling, we are scared, we are overwhelmed, and that serves not us, it serves corporations that no longer see us as humans, leaders that no longer see us as humans, and when we become a means to an end, ⁓

I think we, over and over, intergenerationally, we end up internalizing that somehow ⁓ those feelings are our own personal moral failure, and they're not. They're really not. It's a harsh reality to face because systemic change can feel really scary and overwhelming too.

But I believe that the more of us who do face this harsh reality, this harsh fact, then the more we can start.

Organizing and connecting and notice the beauty and challenge that is community, embrace the work of building new systems together, of figuring out, that system that we're trying to build together failed. So let's also not get too attached to our own ideas and our own community organizing, right? We get together, we try something, something works, something doesn't work. ⁓ If it doesn't work for everyone, then it needs to be tweaked more, right?

And I think that's where disability justice principles are really beautiful because they do center collective access and collective liberation, right? None of us are free until all of us are free. And I truly believe that. And we need to figure it out ⁓ because way too many of us are not free, which means none of us are free yet again. So let's figure out a way to not just be aware, but be deeply appreciative of our own and each other. ⁓

basically I guess that is what I've got to say on this topic. So until we meet again, take good and gentle care, friends old and new, and ciao e alla prossima!